My heart wants beauty. The physical beauty of nature. Open spaces and quite and trees that murmur in the breeze. Green, and bright blue too.
My heart wants home. Authentic, tangible love that I do not have to work for. Friends. Family.
Margarita, the woman I wrote about earlier whom we met in the hospital, went missing for two weeks. We visited her for 3 1-2 months. We shared with her everything our team was doing, our personal struggles, the Bible, prayer, and she gave us an eager ear and encouragement. Our relationship went beyond ministry- I looked forward to sharing my stories with her, her easy laugh, her confident prayer. We went back on Tues to see if she had come back, or if the neighbors had any insight on the situation. The door was open, and the brother in law quickly greeted us and asked us to come inside. Margarita is back on the streets. Back in drugs. Back in alcohol. She only comes back to wash clothes. He does not understand, he said, because she was always so joyful when she talked about us. She seemed to be turning her life around.
I have many more stories. Stories of people that God placed on my heart to love. And I loved. And then they turned away. I do not know why... I really do not understand.
God, I tried so hard. Why? What did I do wrong? It hurts. It hurts so much, because no matter what they do to me, I still have to love them. I have to smile, I have to care, I have to ask and dive in and pursue even when they could care less if I exist. God, I know I should ask you to walk with me, to comfort me, to show me what you are trying to teach me, but right now I do not even want to pray to you. I am sorry. I am so sorry. Is this how I make you feel every day? I am sorry, Lord. Please love me, because I cannot love you right now.
I apologize in advance that this computer will not let me capitalize the letter n...
We stayed at Campo Alegria last weekend - a beautiful retreat for street kids on the shores of Lake nicaragua. no ministry, just a time to escape. After a while, you start to see past the masquerade here. You see girls who meet there own mothers passing on the street who don't want them, and boys who drink and sniff glue because it is all they have ever known. You start to feel it, the weight of the battle going on around you.
At Campo Alegria, there was only peace and open fields and mango trees. I got to watch movies on a TV, sleep in AC, take a hot shower, make pancakes, ride horses down the beach.
Then we came back. It is Semana Santa, the week before Easter, and an excuse to party and get hammered and hang out with friends on the beach.
We have been working a lot to raise money for the Vida Joven race coming up next Sat. You can read more about it in my last blog. I am helping to plan the rally Fri night- a normal Vida Joven club in central park, complete with a drama including your's truly as the prostitute. Think Everything drime except more hip movement put to Spanish Christian rap.
This blog is kind of wandering. I guess since my mind has been wandering lately too. As I have spent more time here, I am learning that I did not sign up for this trip to "do ministry," but to learn how to be. This week we made lists of who we want to be - the characteristics we want to be remembered for. Here is my list.
At rest in the Father, and encouraging others to be at ease
Joyful
Stunningly beautiful
A writer
Loves everyone, without condition
Strong character
Listens
Fearless
Worshipper of God, leads others to a place of worship
Lord, help me to dwell in you and be this woman who you created me to be. Amen.
Granada welcomed Vida Joven, or Young Life, almost two years ago. This wildly successful program has demonstrated that young people here are hungry for wholesome alternatives to drugs, alcohol, gangs and life in the streets. As host to the Club, EL Puente is bursting with kids throughout the week. However, this Club receives no outside support, making the 5 Kilometer Fun Run essential to the Club's survival. Last year we raised about $4000 through this event, and this year we hope to raise double that amount, so that we can bring Vida Joven to another poor barrio, patiently waiting over a year for their own Club.
We hope you will sponsor youth in this year's race.If you'd like to help, we suggest the following sponsorship levels:
Single Sponsorship: $5
Triple Sponsorship: $15
Quintuplets: $25
Ten People: $50
Any amount you would like to give is welcome.
Checks may be mailed to:
Adventures in Missions
6000 Wellspring Trail
Gainesville, GA 30506
Attention: Nicaragua Kids Camp Fun Run (don't forget this!)
Or, sponsorships may be made online at this link: VidaJoven
Once you are on the web page, simply:
1. In the drop down menu select "Support a World Race Project"
2. In the Project box that appears, type in: Nicaragua Kids Camp Fun Run
3.Follow the simple donation process. Its easy.
All funds collected will go directly to the Granada Vida Joven Club. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Thanks for your help.
I went to my first Vida Joven (Young Life) Camp this weekend. I want to share this memory with you.
Saturday night was the Surrender Walk. After hours of worship, the campers were led blindfolded through obstacles; each obstacle representing a different stronghold from Satan in our lives. Even though Vida Joven leaders held their hand, talking them through it, the decision was theirs - to hold on, or let go of all control and fall into the arms of the Father. After the obstacles, they were given a rope to guide themselves. They did not walk alone- demons yelled lies that hit home: your father hates you, you are not beautiful, you will never amount to anything but a street kid. Then the voice of Jesus stepped in to guide them home.
The director asked my teammates and I to go to the auditorium, the place where the kids would pray and reflect on their experiences afterwords, and bathe it in prayer. Just be open to the Spirit, he said. We prayed for what seemed like hours. Then they started trickling in. There were tears, many tears.
I felt the weight of a generation on my shoulders. I felt the burden. Nicaragua was bleeding before my eyes.
Romy, a girl from our group, held her head in her hands and I went over to rub her back. I had no idea what she was going through, but I lifted her up to the Lord. Then something happened I can't explain.
I was overcome. I felt so much Love for her, I was drowning in it. I felt God for her. I felt God's love for her. She laid in my lap and wept. Her whole body was shaking in my arms. I can't explain what I felt in those moments. I wept. I know they were His tears for her, I just know it.
It is Thursday night. I am standing in front of 60 teenagers crammed into a room. These are kids from the street, and you can tangibly feel the energy as I grasp the microphone. But something happens as I read my talk in broken Spanish - the room is utterly silent.
Vida Joven (Young Life) Ministries
Margarita was released and lives near a church on the corner of Santa Lucia- that much we know. We have been searching for her for 2 hours now, and the whole neigborhood is asking around when we meet a friend from women's group, Fabi, who suddenly takes off excitedly- she knows where to find Margarita!! We talk for a while that day, we have been visiting her for 3 months in the hospital, and make plans to come back and cook home-made tortillas and pollo tapado.
I am sitting with Roxanna after Bible study. She begins to cry. She tells me about her problems with her husband, how they started praying together for God to reconcile their relationship. Work is slow. She is young, but has children to provide for. But she has her mirror from women's group, the mirrors we decorated with scripture and truth, and she looks in it every day and remembers God's love for her.
I am upset and want to be alone, but Jennifer (a young woman whom I have become close to and who washes some of the team's clothes ) needs someone to walk with her to drop off clothing at her house. I start to tear up, and when she asks me the first time what is wrong I try to pretend that everything is fine. When we say goodbye, she asks again, and this time I tell. She listens and tells me that it's ok, she has felt that way lots of times. This is what friends are for, she says, to share our hearts with one another. She gives me a hug. God has everything under control, she says.
The sand is sifting through my toes. I am supposed to be journaling my time here, and as I look out over the Pacific, I think about these moments. And I think about how much He loves me. Not with my kind of love, but with His love - the love that chases me no matter how long it takes, the love that perserveres, the love that flows without condition. One day I want to love with that kind of love.
We are walking down Calle Santa Lucia towards home. The concert at central park has just ended; the streets are alive. I see a man about 25 ft away with his back towards us. Something is flying at him. Do they play baseball this late? A rock rolls by. Then another; they are the size of bricks. More men are running down the street from the dark corner where El Puente is. The man falls, and his head is getting bashed in by rocks. We cannot seem to move. Then a man in our group yells run, and we turn and run, passing men stripping their shirts off while heading the other direction. The street becomes silent as people hurry into their houses and lock the doors. A nice family lets us wait in their home till the fighting passes. We hear large explosions- homemade mortars being launched by rival gangs. We pray and go home. Rumors spread that there will be more fighting between the barrios.
Two things I realized that night.
I walk with the anointing of the Lord.
The world needs prayer.
This is a quote from a friend's blog, Trevor Perla, who was there that night.
The next morning was Sunday and everyone was over for church
at El Puente. It seemed like everyone thought it was one big joke. "Oh haha! I bet
you didn't get any sleep last night with the mortars going off! Haha! Yea they
were all up and down our street too! Our neighbor got a metal pipe thrown in
her window haha! Man they were just goin crazy last night, ya know?! Haha!"
Really? A joke? How could we make that into a joke? Satan is ruling over these
gangsters and people are dying in slavery to him and we make it a joke?
I was talking to my friend Carlos today while he was playing
his guitar and I asked him what he thought was the reason for last night. He said
it use to be like that all the time. Guys would slaughter other guys with machetes
and people would get stabbed all the time. But then El Puente was planted and bit by bit the violence went away and
the peace of God replaced it. I asked him why he thought it was starting up
again. He stopped playing his guitar and looked me in the eye and said, "We've
stopped praying, Trevor."
I didn't write this blog
to worry you, to get any comments about being careful or anything like that. I wrote
it because these people need prayer. I need prayer. The gangsters need prayer. The
victims need prayer. The people who make jokes about it need prayer. The
addicts need prayer. Nicaragua needs prayer. The nations need prayer. Pray,
pray, pray and don't ever stop. The world needs it.
I hope you enjoy a few glimpses of my time in Nicaragua!!! God is so good.
A nice Christmas family portrait...December in Nicaragua is a month of celebration, so it was a great time to experience the culture (i.e. fireworks exploding every night, dance parties, and parades) and enjoy the holidays with our Nica friends
The next few pictures were taken from our Mombacho adventure. God's majesty was absolutely breathtaking as we looked over Granada from the top of the volcano. My legs are still trying to recover from the 2 hour walk down after we missed the bus, but what would a Latin American adventure be without a little sweat and almost falling off a mountain???
We found a sloth, but no monkeys :(
Our tour guides for the day. Kennedy and Oscar are two brothers who work at El Puente, the missions base where we live, and it has been great to see the men on our team form great friendships and disciple them.
The walk down...fun times!!!
Eating some cookie/brownie goo at women's group. We have about 8 women their each week - Jennifer, Elsa, Mari Cruz, and Yelba (all teenage girls from Vida Joven) and Roxanna, Jennifer and her son Jermiaz, Natalia, and Mabel, and Veronica (women in their early 20's who seem much older, but their testimonies are amazing). It has been a joy for me to love on these girls and discuss the Word with them.
I have many more pictures but due to computer difficulty they will not download!! So, I will talk a little bit about a ministry that started in January that God has used to not only stretch me but pour into me as well.
Vida Joven (Young Life) started one year ago in Granada. Every Monday the leaders meet for prayer and then planning, later on Wed for a Bible study, and finally for club (think youth group, but faster paced) on Thur. And now we have started meeting on Sat night at the soccer field for bonfire and worship!! It involves a lot of contact work (building friendships outside of structured meeting time) so it is pretty time consuming to say the least. But I can not tell you how much God has stretched me and taught me through my experiences with Vida Joven. The young people there have really become friends. I will tell you more about this ministry next week.
Thanks for taking the time to share in my experiences; be sure that I am praying for you!!
4Now that I, your Lord and Teacher,
have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. 15I have set you an example that you should do as I have
done for you. 16I tell you the truth, no servant is
greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if
you do them.
John 13
Over the
past month, I have gotten to know Jennifer, a truly breath taking young woman who amazes me with her patience, ambition to make a better life,
and dedication to her family. Last Wed. I went over to her house (the back two
rooms of a local church, Torre Fuerte) to chat, paint nails, and just have some
girl time. She was quite the professional, and after I received a spa
treatment, it was my turn. And so I began, trying to ignore my shaking, inexperienced
hands. As I soaked her feet in a plastic tub filled with water, massaged them
with foot cream and a scrubbing stone, trimmed the cuticles, and painted, all I
could think about was the passage from John. Here I was, in the ramshackle back
room of a church in Nicaragua, living out Jesus' teachings. I was washing a woman's
feet. I do not know how many people have cared for her in that intimate way. I do not know every detail of her story. I do not know the pain life has
brought her. But I know that Christ has a dream for her, God has laid on my
heart the desire to pour into her his love and encouragement.
This week
was also the start of our women's group, Beauty for Ashes.
We started with a good 'ole game of Go Fish (which I called Pescar). It was
refreshing to see these women and teenagers playing together, smiling, and for
a moment having no worries. We then hand made notebooks and decorated
them. Imagine, as a male missionary
walking through jokingly called, girl heaven. As we drew, glued, and ate
warm cookies, we went around and shared a bit about ourselves to open the
floor. Next week I am planning a set discussion topic, but this time it was
just a joy to see all the women working together and laughing, even though they
were mere acquaintances. God's vision for this ministry is to facilitate a true
community of women in a culture where vulnerability and the beauty of a women's
heart has been shattered. God gave me this verse to share with them, which they
wrote on the first page of their journals, and I hope it speaks to you as well.
God is love, and his love has no bounds. He is our Father and Saviour and Friend, but he is also our great and fearless Husband.
19 I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
20
I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD
God is faithful. He longs for us to walk in a
freedom and confidence that does not come from the lies of this world, but from
Him. God is pushing me to step up into the gift I have of engaging people and
forming relationships with a spirit of boldness. I might not be fluent in
Spanish, but he will work it out - I just have to open my mouth!
At first I was slightly discouraged, since most
of the established ministries here focus on children or men out of rehab. But
God is faithful. Just two days ago, I met a young woman named Yelba who lives
near El Puente. On Thurs, some of us made popcorn and prepared to watch a movie
with the teenagers who work for the Jicaro project. The movie was about to
start, I was sitting down under the fan, and I really wasn't in the mood to
start up a conversation. But there was a girl sitting in front of me, and
a little voice said "you want to reach out to young women...well stop praying and
go do it." So I asked for her name and some other typical questions, expecting
her to answer and soon forget. But God can move through simple ways of showing
you care. She came to the morning Bible study for the first time the next day,
and later that night we really got to talk after the community dinner. It was
beautiful to me, just looking around our circle of chairs to see young Nicas
and Americans sitting together, all laughing and sharing stories under the
stars. I got a glimpse of the kingdom of Christ that night. Yelbas birthday is
the 24th of December, so I am going to bake a cake with Bekah (a
fellow missionary) and have a small gathering at El Puente to celebrate. I am
praying that God really builds this relationship and uses me to reflect the
love he has for her.
I have also been meeting with some missionaries
about starting a womens group. Our starting date is Jan 8th, so
soon!!! We are going to meet with a small group of young women each week to do
crafts like sewing and jewelry, bake, and discuss our identities as women in
Christ. I am so excited for this ministry to start, and please pray for wisdom
and guidance. I want not only to form relationships with these women, but to
encourage them to build relationships among themselves so they can speak truth
into each other long after I am gone.
We are also starting a prostitute ministry.
Next week we will be exploring ways to make bags out of recycled materials in
order to start a business so the women we minister to can have an alternative
source of income. I am praying for God to show us ways to reach out and form
friendships with these girls so that they can have hope once again and see how
beautiful and cherished they are.
I am sure these are Gods
plans, because there is no way we could carry them out on our own. But God is
faithful. He is faithful to the end!
